Sunday, November 18, 2007

I Would Much Rather Just Be A Kid When I Grow Up, BUT...

Alright, in case I haven't changed my mind about my life, my education and my career enough times in the last year and half, here's the latest change in plans.


As of December 22nd, I will have 43 credits. 7-8 classes later I will be ready to directly transfer into the University of Illinois college of business. I'll be finished up with those after the Fall '08 semester, and then I will have an extra semester to play with. I think what I'd like to do most in that semester is travel, but not aimlessly, something like Habitat For Humanity, or the Peace Corps, or a mission trip, or something. I think it would be cool to go somewhere that speaks Spanish, because I want to minor in that, along with a double major in business administration and psychology. I'll explain my reasoning for that in a sec. After that, I want to go to Northwestern... or some other school in the city and get my Masters' in child psychology. I think right now I want to be a school psychologist. Working with kids is my favorite, I think. I was reading about the job description of one of these and it sounds ideal to me:



These psychologists work to maximize students’ education and minimize behavioral problems at elementary or secondary schools or at the district level. They work with educators, administrators, and parents to deal with problems such as drug abuse or violence; improve learning through classroom techniques; help improve parenting; and find the best programs for disabled or gifted students. They may also work in assessing school programs, guidelines for dealing with behavioral problems, parent involvement, or other school programs.



The Spanish minor is nice then, too, because I want to be able to be a bilingual school psychologist.


Okay, so now I am going to be starting my career, while simultaneously working towards my PhD in counseling. That is a really long processs. But I can multitask. I have summers off if I work at a school. Oh, and at this point I think I still want to live in the Chicago area. I love Wisconsin, and Michigan. But those would be nice places for a cottage or something. There is too much opportunity in Chicago.


What about the business major, you say? It is still my dream to open up a mental wellness facility. . . and if that doesn't work, some sort of side business like selling jack-in-the-boxes. Okay, maybe I'll stick to the first plan. But ever since I was little I was planning on owning something myself. And, having a mental health corporation with lots of psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, counselors, etc. specializing in all sorts of things would be awesome - drug counseling, addictions, depression, eating disorders, self-injury. The whole shebang.


Finally, I want to write a book. I understand that will take a long time probably too. It will probably happen later in my life. Like, after I am done with the rest of my education. We'll see what it's about. It won't be fiction though.


At some point I still want horses, but we'll figure that out later. I have a really unrealistic fantasy of how my personal life is going to turn out, so that will be another blog for another time.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Text Twist

Tom: Neo?

Kelsey: No, it says 'neo' isn't a word.

Me: Yeah, it's just a prefix.

Robyn: Like, neosporin!

Monday, October 15, 2007

Phante

So, let's pretend as if I can start something and actually keep it up for more than a week. I don't like my word of a day plan. It's too constricting, plus, I don't think I could think I save myself enough time on a daily basis to blog.

In case you didn't know, I'm quirky. One thing I do whenever I am significantly nervous is bend metal. (Yes, I am that strong.) My fingers look for the closest paper clip, wire or bobby pin and start compulsively twisting it into really tight kinks. I found my collection of old ones today - it's weird I never threw them out. And, the funny thing is I know what each of them is from. The one that I was playing with in chemistry today is something I am especially proud of, however. It definitely looks like an abstract elephant. Jen named him Phante. I should try to sell him on eBay.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Stalker-ish?

Okay, fine. I cheated a little (lot). "Stalkerish" was not my random adjective of the day, but, due to SOMEONE getting home at one-something-maybe? last night I was a little disorganized blog-wise. Without further ado, here's the #1 quote of the week:

Kelsey (to Will & Aly - kids she was babysitting for): Stefanie is a stalker, do you know what stalking is?
Will: Yeah, like ding-dong ditching!
Kelsey: Close. More like, ding-dong and never leaving. Ever.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Quad·rat·ic

(This word of the day idea is not at all challenging. I think I am just getting lucky.)

Today at work this little boy (he told me he was in sixth grade) came and asked if there was a calculator he could borrow. Of course, me being me, I was way too nosy to just say yes and hand over the nifty-shaped blue calculator with drug advertisements on it. I asked him if he was doing his homework, and yes, he was. It was really slow today, so I thought it wouldn't hurt anything if I taught him how to multiply fractions.

Ah, back to the days where the moment I discovered dividing a fraction is the same as multiplying it by its reciprocal just blew my mind.

I hope I wasn't too pushy... I think I got pretty into it. He said thank you though, and his mom was really happy he had his homework done when she came out of her appointment. Ha, poor guy just probably wanted a calculator and I invaded his life (for half an hour at least.)

On a side note, I'm watching Wheel of Fortune, and I am slightly insulted that advertisers target the elderly during both this show, and Jeopardy. Hip kids like me watch them too. Every other commercial is drug-related. See - a Zantac commercial. Mint-flavored? Mmm...

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

In·vert·ed

Honestly, the first thing that came to my mind when I saw this word was "rollercoasters." I think I attribute that to one of two things - either I am a huge nerd that relates everything to science, or a small nerd that played Rollercoaster Tycoon for way too many hours in my life and used "inverted" loops and things like that.

But, rollercoasters are indeed are currently a hot topic indeed in my little land of daydreaming. It's OCTOBER... which means it's Fright Fest season. I remember last year's Fright Fest experience very thoroughly. Kath, Danika, Christi and I went at 10:00 A.M. and by the time it was getting dark outside, we were exhausted... so the amount of "scariness" we experienced was very limited - I think we were home by 6 or 7. Kind of lame, now that I look back at it. But, I remember one of the highlights was standing in line at Iron Wolf (I think?) and seeing Abby, very randomly. I love those situations. ANYWAYS - this Fright Fest I will definitely stay through the whole thing. I don't really mind if we don't go on all the rides, because that's not the point of Fright Fest, and I'm fairly sure that I will never get better luck on getting on rides than I did when we went this summer.

I used to like to pretend that I was a spontaneous individual, but sometimes I wonder if that's true when I like planning everything in advance. I am obsessed with the future - both short and long term. I think I've realized the lack of control we have over so much of the future and planning things out as if I really do have a say in what happens is comforting. Kelly is coming home this weekend, and I have so much planned between Friday and Sunday. I guess I am just inclined to maximize all the time I have with her and obsessively planning every second of the day accomplishes that?

I'm going to be honest - I'm listening to Eminem right now. I like how songs have the ability to bring up memories that have absolutely nothing to do with the the song itself. Most of the impure songs I listened to as a child have that effect.

I think I turned out alright.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Dis·turbed

It is not a revelation - as humans we bring so much undo worry and grief on ourselves. So much of the pain we experience are from the thoughts we concoct in our own minds. They were not fed to us, but created somewhere inside. And these, above all, seem to be the thoughts that scare us the most.

Most people would agree, they do not like to be overly scared, worried, or distressed in general. But, then why is it that we continue to cause ourselves pain by obsessing over the worst of the past, the present and the future?

As cliche as it seems, the statement that we prefer pain over no feeling at all is the only answer I have for this. Perhaps letting something go is often harder than mulling over it, because at least when the bad feelings exists SOMETHING exists. Oftentimes letting go of the parts of life that bring us the most negative feelings are the same parts that once brought us the most positive ones.

but you've got too much to wear
on you sleeves
it has to do too much with me
and secretly
i want to bury in the yard
the grave remains of a friendship scarred

A New Plan

Okay, here's the new plan for this blog.


Each day, I will use a this one random word generator and it will give me an adjective. There are seven options (very common, common, average, somewhat uncommon, uncommon, very uncommon and obscure) so one for each day of the week. Oh - and there is no cheating, no refreshing until I find a 'good' word. Whatever the word is, I have to use - as the title of my blog. And, it will all have to relate to that word somehow.



Good luck, me.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Back By Popular Demand

My biggest (blog) fan has been giving me grief for not contributing anything to this lately. Hopefully this isn't a letdown.

SPEAKING of letdowns - it's too bad that I am way too emotionally invested in football (and sports in general) for my own good. Alas, this weekend was still 99.9% awesome despite the fact my two teams choked. Can't have it all.

Sticking with the percentage theme, approximately 76.2% of all the awesomeness contributed to the fact I got to play at a petting zoo. Seriously - any day I get to touch lots of animals is a good day.

Also, I saw a movie that actually kept my attention. 3:10 To Yuma with Russell Crowe and Christian Bale. It is definitely not the type of movie that I am typically interested in, (i.e. Disney movies, Muppet Treasure Island) but I really enjoyed it.

Today was Octoberfest... and my last day at TL for the season. I find it interesting that two months ago I said I was never going back, but barely 5 hours after I came home, I realized I am not ready to leave for good. I think I have eaten my last chicken salad croissant til the spring...

Sorry, Kels, and everyone else. This is the lamest blog ever. But I am really tired. Thanks to everyone who participated in making this weekend swell.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Heads Carolina, Tails California

Everything triggered a memory today. I was driving alone a lot tonight and almost everywhere I went I saw something from the past. I wasn't even trying to conjour up these memories or emotions, they just seemed to happen. Things popped into my head that I don't think I had even remembered before (make sense?). But, it was nice. It was like my brain was telling the rest of me stories that I had forgotten.

I also am a firm believer in fate. I've said it (millions of times) before, and I'll say it again. There are no accidents. Everything happens for a reason.

Well, tonight, I had a very genuine moment in the unlikiest of places. Jenny and I decided to go bother our little brothers on their night "out" at the Palatine/Fremd game. We were fairly anti-social... I saw the kids from work (Dan, Emma, Lauren, Mary) and Kaitlyn, but no one else that I was really interested in seeing. So, as I went down the ramp to meet Jenny underneath the bleachers, and ran into the VERY last person I would expect to see there.

Two words: Nora Heaton.

So, in an act that definitely must of flustered her new boy toy, we both immediately froze in astonishment before literally running and hugging each other. Mr. Chad Taylor may know the probability of this more accurately but the chances of ME being at a high school football game (for a total of 5 minutes) during the same exact 5 minutes as Nora, and just by "luck" crossing paths - but I'd say it's 1 in 23234324879. I missed her alot. That was a day-maker right there.

I carbo-loaded tonight - skittles, starbursts, goldfish (buffalo flavored), popcorn - lots of fine sugars for tomorrow's walk. It's only 5K... but it will definitely be a marathon.

Oh, I took Jenny on a field trip to the farm. No one was there, but I wasn't really planning on anyone being home. I just felt like being a stalker anyway, and I think she enjoyed herself.

I need to go to bed. And sleep.

Monday, September 24, 2007

On A Lighter Note


Newest Threadless shirt... (p.s. the first one may have shrunk to unwearable proportions, drats!)


"I Love You."

I have a stats test tomorrow... and Aunt Janice and Grandpa are here, but I have the urge to blog now anyway.

I've been thinking about the words "I love you" a lot lately, and all in all, I just think that phrase is a really cool concept, especially if you break it down. There are obviously two parties involved, the "I" person and the "you" person, and they are connected emotionally (and syntactically) by love.

I just think it is a really awesome thing when you can honestly say you feel that for another person. The way I explained it to Jenny was like this - I love her. Love is the basis of our friendship. Sure, if you asked me to name 100 things I love about her, I can do it, but it's not any or all of those things that really factor into how much I care about her at this point. I guess what I am trying to say is that the people in my life who I can say I truly do love are above rationality. I feel like I am connected to them on a deeper level than just "Yeah, he/she is fun. That's why I enjoy spending time with them." The people who I love can really, really screw up, and it couldn't change the fact that I care about them so much.

I think this makes much more sense in my head, or my heart, than it does when I explain it. I think it's just something I know.

So, in closing here is a quote from the movie Stardust. I haven't seen it (surprise, surprise) but Kelly has, and she showed this to me.

[Love] was the only thing that made watching your world bearable - pain, lies, hate - it all made me want to turn away and never look down again. But, when I see the way that mankind loves... you could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Just A Chance That We'll Find Better Days...

Here's an infomercial from your friends at the D.F.A.A.

And in case you are wondering what else I do in my spare time...






Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Oh, and...

I lied before. Kelsey came during the review and wanted to correct me. The last ten minutes just didn't matter anymore.

Lame.

My shirt came today. Speedy service.

Good thing that's about all I can rely on!

You see, no wonder I doubt people when they say they'll always be here.

Luckily there are approximately .001% of people left in this world I can count on. That's better than ZERO.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Halfway There!

I usually try not to complain about time passing by slowly, because I feel like I should be able to find a way to enjoy the fact I am young and healthy and more or less happy. So when I say "I can't wait for this week to be over," I don't like it, but it's true. I have a lot of tests and things that I should be studying for right now but my brain is sort of oozing out from overload. There is definitely more to do in a day than I have time for with everything I want to get accomplished.



Ha, I did accomplish this though - I bought that threadless shirt that I have been wanting to for awhile now. I just finally figured out the ways of online shopping - I even got an ebay account (I know, I know, everyone else has one already I'm slow). Let's watch my checking account dwindle...






So I have an econ exam tomorrow and an accounting exam on Thursday. I hope I don't suck at econ... I have taken the class before. The sucking in accounting seems fairly inevitable according to everyone else. We'll see. Probably the best part of studying for accounting was the surprise visit from Kelsey after the review session. Day-maker right there!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

We Dairy Farmers Take Our Job Really Seriously

Summary of the weekend:

homework, dog-sitting, sleepover, movie, prank calls, tennis match, food, sox game, fireworks, church (times two), food, football, late for work, homework

The end.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I've Got My Spine

Gina is really convinced that she is going to put a stapler in Jell-O. I am really convinced that she is going to go into withdrawal when she has to wait a week in between each episode of The Office.

It's safe to say that the past month and a half of my life haven't been the easiest, not just for me, but a lot of people. Right now, it seems that the toughest part is finding a meaning and trying to make sense of everything. And as much as I try to be the eternal optimist, it is a struggle. It's not too difficult to start asking the "why me, why you, why us" questions.

But, right now, I am here. I am breathing. And while I really wish I could say that I am completely self-reliant and that I am "fine" because I made myself be fine, I admit it is not true. I would be lying if I said there was no hurting going on, but on the other hand, there is much less than there would have been if I didn't have the people in my life that I do. The best part is, some of you probably have no idea how helpful you have been.

I guess this all has me asking "why me, why you, why us" questions, but in a completely different manner. Why was I so lucky to be surrounded by such important, wonderful people right when I needed it most? I've never been able to expand on this idea other than the fact I am awestruck by it, but relationships between people amaze me. What is that attracts people to each other? There are obvious answers such as similiar interests, backgrounds, etc., but I really like to think there is something much deeper that maybe is supposed to be inexplicable.


Maybe I will figure it out one day.
But until then, thank you for being who you are in my life. No role has been too small. I appreciated everything.




well do they have radios in heaven?
i hope they do 'cause they're playing my song on the radio
and i'm singin' it to you

Saturday, September 1, 2007

What It Is Like Being Friends With An Angel

I'm sure many of you have heard this story by now, so for those who have I apologize for the repetiveness. But for those of you who have not, I hope you find this story at least half as amazing as I did.

I never have had to dealt with the death of anyone as close to me as Megan. So, I hear that there are steps to grieving and such, but I couldn't tell you if I am following them in the natural progression. All I know is this has created emotions I didn't know existed, and I struggle to find ways to justify them.

As for coping, I can speak for Jenny too, and say that we are perpetually looking for "signs." There have been countless things that have occurred, some small, some much larger, but in any case, we take them as a sign that Megan is here somehow. She is watching us, and she is protecting us. And, well, she still enjoys being a "harmless prankster."

My latest Megan story is really, in my mind, inexplicable. You, however, can make that decision for yourself.

A few weeks before Megan died she took a picture on her phone of a picture of us at her six-year-old birthday party. She sent it to me along with the message "Check out these two hot kids. This pic was taken approximately 12 years ago, look familiar? ;-)" It is an adorable picture, so naturally I made it the background of my phone.

After she died, I kept the picture on my phone. I especially did not want to take it off now. I leave things everywhere intentionally to remind me of her, and I suppose leaving the picture as the background was for the same purpose.

Lately, however, I have been struggling with it more than usual. It probably has something to do with everyone being away at school, coupled with the fact she is absent from my life at Harper when she definitely was not supposed to be. My dad suggested that I put away some of the stuff or take the picture of my phone because maybe the constant reminder was adding to my problems. I disagreed, but decided to appease him anyway just to prove that wasn't the issue, and eventually switched the background to a flower.

Well, not only did I feel weird about the change, someone else did too.

Almost immediately after the switch, my phone started going insane. It would randomly say weird messages, and spontaneously shut off. It would have almost a full battery and it would switch off. I could be texting, talking on the phone, or doing virtually nothing when it decided to turn itself off, almost every 3 minutes. I let this happen for almost two whole days, and it was getting really annoying. One day before school I charged it all the way but by the time I got to school it was already off. I turned it back on, and then it turned off. I was getting really frustrated because it was probably 50 times that I had repeated this process with no luck.

It was then where I decided that I hadn't tried one thing. It was right before class, so I gave one last attempt. I immediately went to my settings and put Megan back on my background.

Needless to say, that solved the problem.
It has not turned off spontaneously since.

So, my life is a little more interesting, now that I am friends with an angel.