Heads Carolina, Tails California

Everything triggered a memory today. I was driving alone a lot tonight and almost everywhere I went I saw something from the past. I wasn't even trying to conjour up these memories or emotions, they just seemed to happen. Things popped into my head that I don't think I had even remembered before (make sense?). But, it was nice. It was like my brain was telling the rest of me stories that I had forgotten.

I also am a firm believer in fate. I've said it (millions of times) before, and I'll say it again. There are no accidents. Everything happens for a reason.

Well, tonight, I had a very genuine moment in the unlikiest of places. Jenny and I decided to go bother our little brothers on their night "out" at the Palatine/Fremd game. We were fairly anti-social... I saw the kids from work (Dan, Emma, Lauren, Mary) and Kaitlyn, but no one else that I was really interested in seeing. So, as I went down the ramp to meet Jenny underneath the bleachers, and ran into the VERY last person I would expect to see there.

Two words: Nora Heaton.

So, in an act that definitely must of flustered her new boy toy, we both immediately froze in astonishment before literally running and hugging each other. Mr. Chad Taylor may know the probability of this more accurately but the chances of ME being at a high school football game (for a total of 5 minutes) during the same exact 5 minutes as Nora, and just by "luck" crossing paths - but I'd say it's 1 in 23234324879. I missed her alot. That was a day-maker right there.

I carbo-loaded tonight - skittles, starbursts, goldfish (buffalo flavored), popcorn - lots of fine sugars for tomorrow's walk. It's only 5K... but it will definitely be a marathon.

Oh, I took Jenny on a field trip to the farm. No one was there, but I wasn't really planning on anyone being home. I just felt like being a stalker anyway, and I think she enjoyed herself.

I need to go to bed. And sleep.

On A Lighter Note

Newest Threadless shirt... (p.s. the first one may have shrunk to unwearable proportions, drats!)

"I Love You."

I have a stats test tomorrow... and Aunt Janice and Grandpa are here, but I have the urge to blog now anyway.

I've been thinking about the words "I love you" a lot lately, and all in all, I just think that phrase is a really cool concept, especially if you break it down. There are obviously two parties involved, the "I" person and the "you" person, and they are connected emotionally (and syntactically) by love.

I just think it is a really awesome thing when you can honestly say you feel that for another person. The way I explained it to Jenny was like this - I love her. Love is the basis of our friendship. Sure, if you asked me to name 100 things I love about her, I can do it, but it's not any or all of those things that really factor into how much I care about her at this point. I guess what I am trying to say is that the people in my life who I can say I truly do love are above rationality. I feel like I am connected to them on a deeper level than just "Yeah, he/she is fun. That's why I enjoy spending time with them." The people who I love can really, really screw up, and it couldn't change the fact that I care about them so much.

I think this makes much more sense in my head, or my heart, than it does when I explain it. I think it's just something I know.

So, in closing here is a quote from the movie Stardust. I haven't seen it (surprise, surprise) but Kelly has, and she showed this to me.

[Love] was the only thing that made watching your world bearable - pain, lies, hate - it all made me want to turn away and never look down again. But, when I see the way that mankind loves... you could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional.

Just A Chance That We'll Find Better Days...

Here's an infomercial from your friends at the D.F.A.A.

And in case you are wondering what else I do in my spare time...

Oh, and...

I lied before. Kelsey came during the review and wanted to correct me. The last ten minutes just didn't matter anymore.

Lame.

My shirt came today. Speedy service.

Good thing that's about all I can rely on!

You see, no wonder I doubt people when they say they'll always be here.

Luckily there are approximately .001% of people left in this world I can count on. That's better than ZERO.

Halfway There!

I usually try not to complain about time passing by slowly, because I feel like I should be able to find a way to enjoy the fact I am young and healthy and more or less happy. So when I say "I can't wait for this week to be over," I don't like it, but it's true. I have a lot of tests and things that I should be studying for right now but my brain is sort of oozing out from overload. There is definitely more to do in a day than I have time for with everything I want to get accomplished.



Ha, I did accomplish this though - I bought that threadless shirt that I have been wanting to for awhile now. I just finally figured out the ways of online shopping - I even got an ebay account (I know, I know, everyone else has one already I'm slow). Let's watch my checking account dwindle...

So I have an econ exam tomorrow and an accounting exam on Thursday. I hope I don't suck at econ... I have taken the class before. The sucking in accounting seems fairly inevitable according to everyone else. We'll see. Probably the best part of studying for accounting was the surprise visit from Kelsey after the review session. Day-maker right there!

We Dairy Farmers Take Our Job Really Seriously

Summary of the weekend:

homework, dog-sitting, sleepover, movie, prank calls, tennis match, food, sox game, fireworks, church (times two), food, football, late for work, homework

The end.

I've Got My Spine

Gina is really convinced that she is going to put a stapler in Jell-O. I am really convinced that she is going to go into withdrawal when she has to wait a week in between each episode of The Office.

It's safe to say that the past month and a half of my life haven't been the easiest, not just for me, but a lot of people. Right now, it seems that the toughest part is finding a meaning and trying to make sense of everything. And as much as I try to be the eternal optimist, it is a struggle. It's not too difficult to start asking the "why me, why you, why us" questions.

But, right now, I am here. I am breathing. And while I really wish I could say that I am completely self-reliant and that I am "fine" because I made myself be fine, I admit it is not true. I would be lying if I said there was no hurting going on, but on the other hand, there is much less than there would have been if I didn't have the people in my life that I do. The best part is, some of you probably have no idea how helpful you have been.

I guess this all has me asking "why me, why you, why us" questions, but in a completely different manner. Why was I so lucky to be surrounded by such important, wonderful people right when I needed it most? I've never been able to expand on this idea other than the fact I am awestruck by it, but relationships between people amaze me. What is that attracts people to each other? There are obvious answers such as similiar interests, backgrounds, etc., but I really like to think there is something much deeper that maybe is supposed to be inexplicable.


Maybe I will figure it out one day.
But until then, thank you for being who you are in my life. No role has been too small. I appreciated everything.



well do they have radios in heaven?
i hope they do 'cause they're playing my song on the radio
and i'm singin' it to you

What It Is Like Being Friends With An Angel

I'm sure many of you have heard this story by now, so for those who have I apologize for the repetiveness. But for those of you who have not, I hope you find this story at least half as amazing as I did.

I never have had to dealt with the death of anyone as close to me as Megan. So, I hear that there are steps to grieving and such, but I couldn't tell you if I am following them in the natural progression. All I know is this has created emotions I didn't know existed, and I struggle to find ways to justify them.

As for coping, I can speak for Jenny too, and say that we are perpetually looking for "signs." There have been countless things that have occurred, some small, some much larger, but in any case, we take them as a sign that Megan is here somehow. She is watching us, and she is protecting us. And, well, she still enjoys being a "harmless prankster."

My latest Megan story is really, in my mind, inexplicable. You, however, can make that decision for yourself.

A few weeks before Megan died she took a picture on her phone of a picture of us at her six-year-old birthday party. She sent it to me along with the message "Check out these two hot kids. This pic was taken approximately 12 years ago, look familiar? ;-)" It is an adorable picture, so naturally I made it the background of my phone.

After she died, I kept the picture on my phone. I especially did not want to take it off now. I leave things everywhere intentionally to remind me of her, and I suppose leaving the picture as the background was for the same purpose.

Lately, however, I have been struggling with it more than usual. It probably has something to do with everyone being away at school, coupled with the fact she is absent from my life at Harper when she definitely was not supposed to be. My dad suggested that I put away some of the stuff or take the picture of my phone because maybe the constant reminder was adding to my problems. I disagreed, but decided to appease him anyway just to prove that wasn't the issue, and eventually switched the background to a flower.

Well, not only did I feel weird about the change, someone else did too.

Almost immediately after the switch, my phone started going insane. It would randomly say weird messages, and spontaneously shut off. It would have almost a full battery and it would switch off. I could be texting, talking on the phone, or doing virtually nothing when it decided to turn itself off, almost every 3 minutes. I let this happen for almost two whole days, and it was getting really annoying. One day before school I charged it all the way but by the time I got to school it was already off. I turned it back on, and then it turned off. I was getting really frustrated because it was probably 50 times that I had repeated this process with no luck.

It was then where I decided that I hadn't tried one thing. It was right before class, so I gave one last attempt. I immediately went to my settings and put Megan back on my background.

Needless to say, that solved the problem.
It has not turned off spontaneously since.

So, my life is a little more interesting, now that I am friends with an angel.